Who doesn’t love a good superhero, right? We all love them. We read comics, and in the past several years, we’ve witnessed the height of superhero movies. But we’ve only seen a fraction of the superheroes on TV. Do you know there are more than 13,000 superheroes in the database? Marvel alone has more than 7,000 characters. And sadly, not all of them are great. There are some bad as well.
Today, we will take a look at some of the lamest superheroes you can find in the comics. And some of these have even made it to the TV screen.
We have some wishy-washy whiners to heroes with lame superpowers. You have to understand. For the most part, superheroes are awesome. We all love Batman, Superman, Iron Man, Spider-Man, Thor, and so on. But you also have heroes like Leather Boy, Big Bertha, and so on. Let’s take a look.
Leather Boy
Many fans consider Gene Lorrene one of the worst heroes in comics. He has no real superpowers. You can go past that if you are Batman. But Leather Boy is not Batman.
So, what does he do? Gene is a straight guy dressing up as a leather man “bear”. Between his appropriation of gay culture and the BDSM BS, it is hard to find something cool about Leather Boy.
Let’s not forget that kid read these comics books. Why do you need BDSM into a comic? At one point, he turned evil and tried to kill a tiny squirrel, the partner in crime to Squirrel Girl.
Dog Welder
Here is another superhero that deserves the worst label. He is a demented character appearing in a fairly demented crew, Section 8. He is a welder in a silver suit who welds dead dogs to baddies’ faces.
And he never speaks, preferring to let his welder and stock of dead canines do the talking.
He is a mysterious and likely disturbed individual. The comics never reveal his face, something that might look cool. But he hides behind a welding mask.
He lives in an alley, sets traps for stray animals, and has a never-ending supply of dead dogs. Dog Welder perished in Section 8’s final battle.
The Red Bee
This guy had his first appearance in Hit Comics #1. What makes him a superhero? He has a trained bumble bee by the name of Michael.
He started as a vigilante with a utility belt, stringer gun, and the ability to call upon a swarm of bees. And then he moved into the world of heroes.
Big Bertha
At one point, Big Bertha might look cool. But she still makes it on the list. Marvel Comics constantly tries to include new heroes. They are body-positive and inclusive in their campaign.
But what happened when they tried to introduce a character like Big Bertha? Nobody knows. Big Berth is the walking embodiment of fat-shaming. It is hard to ignore the message she sends to kids reading comics.
She started as a supermodel who gained the superpower “grow to any size while having super strength”. And every comic she appears in includes a fat joke. For example, in one comic, she caught Leather Boy by sitting on him.
Squirrel Girl
Think of Squirrel Girl as a lame Deadpool. She tries to act funny, tell jokes, and Marvel uses her as a joke to killing some supervillains. For example, she defeated Thanos, Galactus, Ego the Living Planet, MODOK, and many more.
She serves as an ongoing joke depicting her attaining victories over some of the most powerful villains. Most of these victories occur off-panel, but we get to see some. And hey, she defeated Deadpool and Wolverine.
How does she win? Well, she wins because of her opponents’ overconfidence. Or some creative use of her powers. For example, she befriends Galactus and convinces him to spare the Earth.
She had her first appearance in Marvel Super-Heroes Vol.2 #8. At one point, Squirrel Girl joined the Great Lakes Avengers. She also served as nanny to Danielle Cage, the daughter of Luke Cage and Jessica Jones.
Doorman
His real ability is he can teleport any person anywhere they want to go in the world. But here is the caveat, it is only to the next room. So, for example, he can teleport you from your living room to your bedroom.
That is a nice party trick to pull. But against evil villains? That is a joke. And even he joined the Great Lakes Avengers.
Comet the Super Horse
Superman has some lame pets. But hey, his cousin Supergirl also has some lame pets. She has her Comet, the goddamned Super Horse.
And he is creepy as hell. Comet is a type of creepy stalker. He has watched Supergirl for ages and has a weird crush on her. At one point he was a human, but then got turned into a horse by a god.
Fun fact: she has a fondness for him. But she doesn’t know where did he come from. And in one comic, Supergirl had wet dreams about a white horse looking like Comet. What do these people put in the comics, right?
Comet’s story develops as he realizes he cannot date Supergirl until he changes into a person. So, in that quest, he does a bunch of stuff so he can seduce the girl he loves.
Krypto the Superdog
Here is another pet superhero. The only good thing about Krypto? He got send to Earth by Jor-El as a test-run for the capsule that later sent Superman to Earth.
He served as Superman’s pet puppy on Krypton and upon landing on Earth, he grew into a dog who has similar abilities as Superman.
A nine-year-old boy by the name of Kevin Whitney adopts him. His family thinks Krypto is an ordinary Labrador.
And on this list of bad and lame superheroes, Krypto is one of the few that got his TV show. Yes, Warner Bros produced an animated television series premiering on Cartoon Network in March 2005. They produced 39 episodes.
Starfox
What do we know about superheroes? They get on with the ladies. And in that spirit, we have the “Casanova of the superhero world”. Starfox is Thanos’s brother. He goes by the name Eros and he looks hotter than Thanos.
What is his power? Well, he can spark pleasure in people’s brains. His main power is acting as a ladies’ man and seducing women.
Aquaman
Up until a few years ago, many fans considered Aquaman the lamest superhero of all time. At least among the popular names like Superman, Batman, and others. He served as the joke in the Justice League.
But then Jason Momoa portrayed the character and gave him a new life. In the comics, Aquaman’s power is to talk to fish.
Back in the Golden Age of comic books, working as a doctor to fish looked awesome and cool. But his powers are outdated now.
Thankfully, Jason made him cool again. But we still have to put him on this because he served as an ongoing joke among comic book fans.
Even Family Guy joined the fun and criticized Aquaman as a powerless superhero. That should tell you something.
